Do I Change My Name?
We all know that feeling… ‘Do I really want to change my last name?’
A million thoughts running through your mind, ‘I quite like my last name’ ‘What if their name doesn’t sound good with mine?’ ‘What if I want my kids to have my last name?’ etc, etc
So, here are TWC’s thoughts to help you make the best decision for your future surname after the big day!
❤️
Not wanting to change your name? That’s okay!
Staying individual and wanting to keep your identity is a huge thing, and an important one too! Be proud of who you are and the name you have established in your own right. Sometimes changing your name can create an unnerving feeling that you’re changing who you are. It can also leave some with a feeling of inferiority because they feel their last name wasn’t good enough. It’s outdated.
It’s the 21st century – if in a heterosexual relationship, why can’t the male take the females name instead? Why does it have to be a big deal? If you see yourself as a powerful independent woman (which you are!), the last thing you’ll want to see is their title before yours on a letter. Women are breadwinners too, they are their own person. The changing from a maiden name to a married name is rather patriarchal, so we say… you go and change that uneven balance and keep your name!
Plus, maybe you’re the only one left in your family to carry on the name – a perfectly good reason to keep it! Don’t be pressured into thinking you’re making the wrong decision by others. The only person it will be affecting is you, so do what your heart is telling you!
You could compromise and double – barrel?
Ah yes, the people who are lucky enough to have two surnames. We all remember that one teacher that had a double barrel name in school that made them sound a cut above the rest. It’s a great way to compromise! It doesn’t take away from your individuality, but, at the same time respects the future partner in your life. It also avoids your partner feeling like their name isn’t good enough to carry on. No one’s pride is damaged.
Positively, if your name is one that is automatically associated with you e.g. for work purposes, it stops confusion! Legally, on paper, your name would be double barreled, but people can still call you by your usual name! For instance, take Shirley Temple, everyone knew her as this… but her name was actually Shirley Temple Black. If you’re really unsure about what to do, then maybe this could be the option for you.
Also, this is a great way for your partner to take your name too out of a sign of respect to you. It promotes ideals of equality, and we really cannot argue that one! Equal rights for the win!
There’s nothing wrong with being traditional too!
It’s perfectly okay to want to change your last name to your partners! Some say it brings you closer together and makes you feel like you’re starting a new chapter as one. It’s cute and sweet and carries a lot of meaning. If that person to you has been life changing and it’s something you want to do then go for it, love it and embrace the new story you’re both about to write together.
On a more honest note, which is TWC’s rule, we’ve all paired our first names with someone else’s surname and thought ‘okay that sounds pretty damn good!’.
The way a name flows can be really important to some, and it’s okay if this is a reason you want to change it – just remember that the important thing is that it was your choice and nobody else’s.
Also, it can create less complications when doing routine tasks such as popping to the bank, paying bills, booking holidays etc. This confusion can always efficiently be cleared up, but for some it may be irritating when asked ‘can I just get your last name please?’ and then having to explain the process that you’re married but kept your surname. However, in no way, shape or form is this plausible to feel compelled to change it, other people will simply have to get over the confusion … and … that … is … that.
But always remember…
As long as you unapologetically voice how you feel, you can do no wrong. Anyone that loves you will respect you. It may be hard for the other person at first, but this is where you can compromise e.g. with a double barrel. If you’re still feeling really unsure, open up and talk it through with your partner, you might be surprised about what they have to say!
Take the time to think the decision through and keep self reflecting during this process. Ask yourself how you feel about it as time goes on.
There is no right or wrong answer, so you do you and be proud!
❤️
